This section is much shorter than the one before and for good reason. The concept emphasized here is much less complicated than what was discussed in the “Align Your AIM” section. However, it could be argued that what is emphasized here is the most important part of the book and the most important part of your own journey. 

It’s the most important part because unlike the first section where we assessed the problem, in this chapter we’re taking a hard look at your commitment to solve it. And honestly, if you’re deeply entrenched in your pornography and it’s deeply entrenched in you, it’s going to require some of the deepest, strongest commitment to change that you’ve ever given to anything in your life.

So while the subject matter in this section is short, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. You’re trying to cut out a part of your life that has been attached to you for a long time (possibly decades.) Often when I talk to individuals about ridding their life from pornography I use the example of Aron Rahlston who, while canyoneering in southern Utah, had his arm become pinned between a canyon wall and a 800 pound chalkstone that shifted at just the wrong time. 

After being trapped for 5 days with little food and water, Rahlston made the drastic decision to break and sever his arm in order to free himself. Can you imagine cutting your own arm off? I can’t, but Aaron realized that the alternative was to die of dehydration or starvation in a canyon where his body might not be found for weeks. In the language of our last section, he saw his “default future,” and didn’t like the idea of the way things were about to turn out. So, he did what needed to be done. 

Rahlson’s story is an extreme example of being willing to do “whatever it takes.” While overcoming pornography hopefully doesn’t require losing an appendage, at times it may require the same amount of willingness to sever whatever we need to out of our lives in order to experience true and lasting change.

The challenging part is that generally the stakes aren’t that high when it comes to pornography use. Unlike drugs or alcohol where your life could be at stake or a gambling addiction where there is eventually a bottoming out, pornography dependency and sex addiction can be undetected for decades with no major repercussions. The big impact is on you personally and the gnawing effect it can have on your sense of worth, your empathy, and other important aspects of life. 

After “aligning your AIM,” and shifting your focus beyond relapse to having stronger REPS and decreased FADS, it’s important to ask the questions, “what am I willing to do to become the person I want to be?” and “What am I willing to do and to give up to rid my life of pornography so that I can become my best self?” This chapter is key for the rest of the book because it suggests you put on the glasses of willingness as you view the other principles. These glasses of willingness consist of a “whatever it takes” lens and a “however long it takes” lens. As you view this change through both lenses, it will help how you see the work to be done and the person you’re trying to become. 

✏ Reflect. Consider the following questions when it comes to your own willingness:

• What am I willing to do to change? Am I willing to put in the work to strengthen my relationships, emotions, physical health and spiritual health?
• What do I need to give up? What apps or websites which ultimately lead me to view pornography that I need to block? How do I change up my routine to make it easier to avoid pornography.
• Who do I need to open up to in order to be more accountable? 
• Look to the FADS as a key areas to give up if you want lasting change. Fantasizing must be minimized and kept in check. Sexually acting out must be channeled into healthy relationships. Dishonesty and secrecy must be gotten rid of completely. When it comes to my FADS, am I willing to decrease my fantasizing, acting out, dishonesty & secrecy? How do I become proactively honest rather than passively honest or dishonest?