When it comes to measuring progress, I have had far too many clients with a “days since last incident” mindset. However, it’s my opinion that not relapsing is not a good indicator of success. Yes, not relapsing is an important part of change. But it should not be the only way you measure growth. More on that in a minute. First let’s talk about what you should be considering when it comes to measuring progress.

What should you be expecting as you put forth daily work? As you work to focus on the AWAKEN principles and do so day by day, you should be experiencing healthier REPS and decreased FADS. 

REPS

First, REPS: Relationships, and Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Health.

Relationships: Healthier relationships are both the way to positive changes as well as the result of positive changes. Working to apply key principles and make adjustments to your behaviors lead to healed connections and deeper love both from you and toward you. As your focus shifts to improving communication, increasing empathy, and rebuilding trust, you’ll experience the fruits of happier, more fulfilling relationships. That’s because you’re no longer keeping secrets and you’re turning to those you love to sustain you (rather than hiding from them out of shame and embarrassment.

Emotional Life: As you work to apply key principles and make adjustments to your behaviors, you should be experiencing a shift in how you approach your emotional health. This means you are turning to healthier coping mechanisms to deal with difficult feelings. You’re utilizing the people around you to cry with, express fears and concerns, and find the way out of shame-talk. You hopefully will also see that your experiences give you tremendous perspective that you can use to help others going through the same thing.

Physical Life: As you work to apply key principles and make adjustments to your behaviors, you may experience a boost to your physical health. Learning to better manage key habits means you’ll have improved sleep hygiene, improved eating habits, and more consistent exercise. Each of these areas mean you are less likely to be tired, stressed, nutrition-deprived, etc. which means you are more likely to make healthier emotional choices.

Spiritual Life: As you work to apply key principles and make adjustments to your behaviors, you can come to feel more peace and personal contentment in your life because you are living up to your personal values. You’ll feel more connected to your higher power, and a deeper desire to live your best self. This commonly can lead to or result in more creativity and a desire to help others around you live up to their potential as well.

Second, you are working toward a decrease in FADS:

Fantasizing: Managing your thoughts leads to greater control over your feelings and subsequently, greater control over your actions. Therefore, applying key principles and making adjustments to your behaviors will have an impact on thinking differently. You utilize mindfulness to notice unhealthy thinking patterns, and tap into various tools to redirect your thoughts. You’ll likely find that as your fantasizing is managed, you experience a cascade of positive effects in other areas of your life.

Acting Out: Simply put, acting out encompasses any behavior that goes against your personal values. It’s stopping the actions that lead to feelings of guilt and shame. Most often it includes viewing pornography, masturbation, and any other sexual relations you feel go against values you adhere to personally, spiritually, in your marriage, etc. It can also include any other area (drinking, smoking, gambling, etc. that are contrary to the person you want to be.)

Dishonesty & Secrecy: Generally speaking, one of the areas that can cause you to feel the worst about yourself, is when we are being dishonest and secretive with our actions. It is tiring to keep secrets. Putting more effort into applying key principles and making adjustments to behavior will help you to have more openness so you don’t have to hide any more. The key is that your honesty and accountability be proactive--not reactive. Rather than waiting to be caught, you actively work to be accountable for your actions.

✏ Reflect. How are your REPS doing today? Get accustomed to taking a little bit of time everyday to check in on your relationships, and your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

✏ Reflect. How are your FADS doing today? Get accustomed to taking a little bit of time everyday to notice how you’re challenging your fantasizing, decreasing your acting out, and discontinuing your dishonesty and secrecy.