In studying what works and what doesn’t work in trying to make long-lasting changes, I have compiled tools and advice that I hope are helpful to you as you work toward becoming whole. This advice is organized into 5 general categories I believe are crucial ingredients for a lasting recovery. When I have a client who is struggling, it is usually because they aren’t attending to at least one of these 5 areas. 

These do not replace the 12-step program or any other worthwhile guides out there. In fact, they provide a context for many of the tools you will find as you begin to dive into what you feel your recovery needs to look like. The AWAKE principles offer a bird’s-eye view of recovery and give a person a general understanding of what to expect in the recovery process. As one of my students observed, these areas provide organization to the recovery process, providing a global view of recovery and a way to see where one is at in the process:

Align Your AIM. 

Every journey starts with knowing where you are and where you want to go. Recognizing your starting point and the ways in which you are stuck will give you something to look back at so you can see how far you have come. In this section, we will evaluate your relationship with pornography and the ways in which you have become dependent on it. We will help you define what life without pornography looks like so you know what you are trying to create. We will also discuss some key elements for how to measure your progress. 

Wax Strong In Willingness 

If pornography and sexually acting out has been a big part of your life up to this point, it is going to require a fair amount of work to change and it may feel overwhelming. The great news is that even if you are not “all-in” just yet with changing everything you need to, that’s okay. We will take what you have to offer and build from there. 

Ask for ____. 

Your connections to others (or lack thereof) make or break the changes you are trying to make. In this section, we will look at how you can push past shame and the fear of disconnection and build the support network necessary to experience lasting change. Friends and family are like gas stations or rest stops on a long road trip. They fuel you with the connection and encouragement you need to keep moving forward. This section will help you to ask for what you need so that you don’t have to do this alone. 

Know Thyself 

Success requires a careful understanding of how you operate so you can plan for danger accordingly. The more familiar you are with yourself, the more success you will have. As you become curious about why you do what you do, you will be better prepared to fortify weak areas or avoid dangerous situations altogether. In this section, we will take a closer look at how you have been sabotaging yourself consciously and subconsciously. 

Escape, Engage, Evolve Continually

Big changes require little changes, and little changes mean rethinking how you approach life. You want to applaud growth and feel proud of the changes you’ve made, but because you live in an ever changing world, you must continue to evolve if you are going to keep the strong character you’ve worked hard to develop. This section builds off the previous four sections by offering some thoughts regarding how to keep evolving into the person you want to become.

These 5 principles are not a checklist wherein you mark off each one once it has been ‘completed.’ Rather, they function like a wheel wherein the principles should constantly be reviewed again and again, day after day.